Should you leave your baby when they cry?

It’s always a heart wrenching decision to make when your baby is crying in their cot. You desperately rush to their side only to calm them down, place them back and then hear them to cry again 5 minutes later. What do you do? Is it best to leave them crying? Or do you tend to them until they eventually calm down.

 Do you leave your baby crying in the cot?

Leaving your baby to cry has always been a very controversial topic which brings up many strong opinions of both parents experiences and what they believe is right to do. Many mums will say if your baby is crying, it means that they are in distress, in need of something, so you can’t just sit back and ignore them. Whereas, other parents may say that your baby may be crying for attention and if you keep going back to them every time they will get used the routine and the response, meaning they will not stop until you do come and comfort them.

How often do you go to soothe your baby?

One of the main techniques that you will read about is controlled crying, a system where you go to comfort your baby in delayed time slots. If you hear your baby crying, you are told to leave them for the first five minutes, if they become unsettled again, the parent should then wait ten minutes before they go to comfort their child, if it happens again the parent should then wait a further 15-20 minutes before going to comfort their child. Controlled crying is not recommended for baby’s under 6 months and many studies have found that it leaves no long term damaging effect on the child. However, this technique has come under fire by many parents who claim that it is ‘barbaric’ and ‘cruel’, whereas others say you have to use ‘tough love’ and many mothers quoting ‘I wish I had done it sooner!’ Yet, critics have argued the fact that leaving your baby to cry exposes them to unnecessary stress and trauma.

So you may feel like a useless parent and really feel like you are coming to the end of your tether, but do not worry as we can assure you that you are not the only person who is going through this. It’s all about creating the right balance, you both need to ensure that you get the correct amount of undisturbed sleep in order for you as a parent to function properly and for the baby to maintain the crucial growth and development that happens during their sleep.  As a parent, you need to be consistent who with how you soothe your baby otherwise a routine for you both will never be established. Give it 5 minutes before you go to check on them, let them know it’s sleep time, rub their belly and try to refrain from picking them up each time. You know your baby better than anyone else, so you do what you feel is best. However, you can't be too soft otherwise you will have many years of restless sleep ahead of you!
And remember, your baby will not love you any less in the morning.